I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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