I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
