I love watching others lives come down to our level.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
