I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
