i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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