So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
