you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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