You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
