can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
