Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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