You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
