Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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