Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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