Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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