I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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