yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
