I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Randomize
