my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This toilet bowl is my home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
