So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
