Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
