Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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