i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
