Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
