I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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