Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
