and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
