My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
too bad you live with your parents still
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
