im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
