OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can I color on your dick again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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