I think I died a long time ago.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
