Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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