you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
