In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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