First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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