is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
