I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
