just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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