as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
