Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
