You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
