So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
