well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
