Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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