if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
