Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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