only if we run a train.
done.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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