btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
