meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
