Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
