I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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