i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
