I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
