Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
