Even the bartender felt bad for me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
