god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
