Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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