i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
