woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
